Labour... it's no walk in the park!

Class 2 was all about ‘alternative’ deliveries. The title had me expecting all sorts of means of birthing – water births at home, Indian and Aboriginal corrobboree-type ceremonies and so on. But in this context, as I was to discover, ‘alternative’ pretty much means anything other than ‘straightforward and easy as pie’ delivery, which is pretty much all of them so I’m learning.

And it also turns out that I hadn’t gotten off lightly on the gruesome video front at all.

This week we were treated to a lovely 80s production that told the story of Barry and his wife, who were expecting their first child and had all sorts of grand plans of a ‘no drugs or pain relief, at one with nature please’ scenario, until Mrs. Barry (I can’t remember her name now) ran into some trouble and was in quite a bit of pain. She then had an epidural and heaved a sigh of relief. The gruesome bit though, is that it is apparently quite ‘normal’ for the woman to be literally stretched to the limit and either:

• Tear a little
• Need a bit of a cut made so she has more flexibility.

WHAT?! How can tearing and cutting be normal?! I know that giving birth means extracting a sizeable object from a narrow opening, but shit! So Barry’s wife was one such women who needed some relief in the tension stakes, and had a small cut made. And we saw all of it! I began to get a sore vagina right there and then, despite not actually having one.

There was a bit more gross to come however. The video was made in the 80s and I’m lead to believe that in those days women placed a lower premium on putting their best foot forward, in a grooming the pubic hair sense. Mrs. Barry was au naturale, so a baby’s head pushing through made a pretty interesting sight, much like a cat jumping through a hedge, or being on a ladder and looking down at Jesus wearing a crown of thorns. You get the idea…

We were treated to a tour of the birthing suite and maternal wards at the hospital. For public health patients, we did choose a good hospital I think, everything looks pretty comfortable. There are some suites that have a double bed, where the father can stay in hospital with the mother. We’ve decided not to go down that path for a few reasons, mostly so that mother and child can spend their nights together and get into a feeding cycle easier, and also because while I will spend a fair chunk of time there with my wife and our child, there will be things that need to be done at home in readiness and so on.

Next week we learn all about feeding baby, which I’m actually looking forward to as while I know what is involved, I’m a little clueless on the quantity and frequency side of things at this stage.