I’ve been back at work a week now, after my three weeks at home with my wife and new son. It’s been a tough week, not because of work, but because my head has been all over the place.
That first morning was so hard to leave the house and I didn’t sleep much at all the night before. I felt guilty and selfish that I would be leaving my new family alone during the day.
It’s not because my wife wasn’t capable – she’s a natural mother and has everything under control – but because we’d brought a little baby into the world and just 3 weeks later I was leaving him, going out for 10-12 hours a day and leaving him without his father around if he needed me during the day. The more I thought about it though, I realised it wasn’t so dramatic as that; by going out to work and earn a crust, I was providing for him today, tomorrow and the days after that.
I wonder why I felt so guilty at working for a living? Sure I would miss him, but why did I feel like I was neglecting my son when really I was fulfilling my role as father – hunter, gather, provider and protector?
After the first day, it got easier. Work was busy enough so the days didn’t drag and I left on time each day so I was home for dinner with my wife and to enjoy a little awake time with Leo.
This weekend was pretty nice though, spending a full two days together as a family. I can see myself becoming one of those, “I wish the weekend would hurry up and get here!” type people pretty quickly!
Hopefully this week will be a little easier and I settle into a routine and things can roll on as they should.
But I still think I’d enjoy being a home-daddy, just doing some part-time contract stuff from home… who knows what the future might hold?!
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