Learning about childbirth together
Last night we checked off an item on the ‘things to do before the kid comes’ list that I’d been looking forward to for a while – we started our antenatal classes at the hospital.
Firstly, I still don’t actually know what they’re called – some say antenatal/prenatal/parenting/baby classes. Antenatal sounds a bit worse than the others to me, though the hospital’s seminar room door said ‘antenatal’ though so I guess we’ll go with that.
We were lucky enough to be able to go to one that is after work on Wednesday nights, meaning we can both, more easily, go each week (I would have done whatever I had to though). Driving there was a bit strange, I didn’t know whether to expect a bit of a ‘sit in a circle and share experiences’ type thing, or more of a ‘listen to the teacher and do your homework’ arrangement. Walking into the room, I could see two semi-circles of chairs and a table up the front, with a TV already primed for a good old PowerPoint presentation. I had been warned by some friends at work that there would be videos, gruesome videos, and I wondered if tonight would proffer such an experience…
A couple of steps into the door, a lady called out and asked us to write our name on some stickers, pop them on our jumpers and take a seat. We did just that and waited a minute or so before the lady started speaking and filling us in on what lay ahead. We would be having five classes, covering the topics of Labour, Feeding, Caring for Baby, Taking Baby home and something else I can’t quite recall (good start huh). I glanced around the room and of the 15 or so women, there were 14 men as well, only one woman was by herself. I wondered whether even five years ago, men would have been so well represented?
We then had to go around the group, introduce ourselves and give two pieces of information: the mothers had to say what they enjoyed about pregnancy so far, and how many weeks they were; the fathers had to say when the babies were due and what they were looking forward to. This all went fairly smoothly and then it happened – the groundwork for the first ‘Blokey Dad Joke’ was laid. One guy said his baby was due on AFL Grand Final Day, and seemed quite amused by it. A few moments later, after we heard about the stages of pregnancy (more on that later), the teacher (for want of a better word) asked when the best times to come into hospital were. This man chimed in with, “When the Grand Final’s over!”, to some guffaws from others and a roll of the eyes from his wife. Was pretty funny, and I was glad I hadn’t made the first silly comment!
I never realised there were so many stages of pregnancy! In all the movies you see, the process is basically that the waters break in a public place and then you drive like a maniac to the hospital, making it just in time. In real life however, you waters don’t always break, and even then you “calmly” call the hospital and inform them that things have started. Yep, started: the whole thing ‘usually’ takes 12-24 hours! Ouch. Not that I should complain. Apparently you monitor the time between, and of, contractions, and pretty much go about your normal business until the contractions are 3-5 minutes apart. Then you ring the hospital again and inform them that you are “going to start making your way in”. Like a salmon swimming upstream, really…
Once at the hospital, you check into a birthing suite and then for the next however long, the man’s job is to keep his wife calm and relaxed, play music, burn candles and rub her shoulders and tummy with massage things and pretty much ignore all insults and crushed hands that you get during the contractions. I made a mental note to remind my wife to cut her nails as we get closer – no stitches in these hands thanks!
Then came a part I was warned about – a video! We were played a short video, showing 3 women who opted for the natural birth, using a technique known as Lamaze. Sadist, for mine. The vision wasn’t real graphic thankfully, so I counted myself lucky and thankful for not having to see too much hurties.
It was a pretty informative session and I got a lot out of it, especially knowing the stages and timing of it all. I’m pleased I learned this beforehand and wasn’t expecting things to start and finish in a few hours, as it sounds like those quick births are pretty rare indeed.
Labour II next week, ‘alternative births’. Hopefully no video of a caesarean.
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